#113: Away from Home

Beginning of this year, prior to stepping on the plane to Hong Kong, I was full of excitement, full of anticipation. I was looking forward to a good time in Hong Kong, albeit prepared to still study because of Hong Kong’s reputation in education. But I was still pretty sure I would have a good time. Because, hey, it’s pass/fail. And I’m on foreign land, which meant explorations were in place.

Fast forward 3 months later, I’m drained. On its own, the school work is not too bad – as long as I learn not to use the same yardsticks as the ones at home to measure my abilities, since it’s pass/fail basis here, and studying isn’t my topmost priority. I’ve lab on four Saturdays, which honestly was quite a dumb choice, but it’s not as if I was left with any at the point of choosing my courses. The experience here has honestly been very draining ironically because of the people I’m supposed to be most comfortable with. I think my introverted nature is feeling the pressure, because I’m struggling to find release here. So much has happened and so many things have changed since our first month here, I’m still left wondering what in the world led to all these outcomes.

That’s why I’m glad to have found the netball club here at HKU. Their club training is a great social activity – nothing too competitive, and even an opportunity to join the mixed league here. Even though I’ll be paying for the whole experience despite only getting to experience half, I think it’s worth the buck. It will allow me to interact more with the full-time students here, and I once again, believe that sports is really one of the best ways to bring people together. At least, on court, I’m able to forget everything that’s happening and forget about all my worries, and just focus on having a good time.

I’ve booked my flight home and honestly can’t wait to be back with my family. My mum’s coming next week, which is a great reprieve for me, and I’m really looking forward to it. Hong Kong is actually not bad a place to be in, and the food and shopping has more or less been to my tastes. It’s just a series of unfortunate events and general friction that has led to things being rougher than expected. And honestly, it takes more than just being courteous and polite for so many people to coexist in a small environment for a period of a few months. The honeymoon period passes, stress from various areas come in, and poof, you get a full out explosion.

Thinking back, a lot of it has been really dumb, but there’s nothing I can do to reverse it now. I feel quite helpless in certain situations and I have come to the point where I just can’t be bothered to be nice. Being nice is tiring when all you want to do is snap at someone.

#91: Olympics

With the Olympics in full swing these past weeks, I’ve been a full-time couch potato with my eyes glued to the screen.

I really love sports – watching or playing. There’s a kind of euphoria you don’t feel elsewhere…I can’t really explain it. Joseph Schooling’s swim was phenomenal. The moment he surfaced after his dive and went forward with those few strokes, you just know he had it in the bag. But actually watching him touch the wall an arm’s length before anyone else did, was INSANE. It wasn’t really pride per se, because who am I to be proud of him when his achievements are his (and yes, his parents) alone. Perhaps I just felt really happy and relieved for him, that he attained what he went to Rio for.

In sports, all of us know how disappointment feels and it feels really shitty. It’s one thing to lose, but it’s another to know you lost because you were lousy. If you gave it your all and you lost, you can’t really blame yourself for it and just train harder. But knowing you’re better yet not performing up to standard, is a really terrible feeling.

So yesterday, as I was watching our women’s team battle it out for bronze, it kinda reminded me of all the lousy games I played before. Feng Tianwei has always been our solo warrior on the team. She’s like this block of solid rock that you have to bash through and even then, she might still come from behind and take you down. But this Olympic season, just wasn’t hers. She was plain off-form, but I don’t think that means she is a lousy player (though people will be real quick to call her that). It’s jarring when I see someone comment that she’s terrible. She isn’t. Who was the one who brought back gold from World Championships in 2010? By beating China, no less? What about silver in the 2008 Olympics? Or 2 bronzes in the 2012 edition? We can see for ourselves that while she never got into the top ranks in China, Feng Tianwei has more fight than we credit her for. Yesterday’s game, make no mistake, was on her. She wasn’t playing well at all. But don’t we all make mistakes? Don’t we all have off-days? And truth be told, the athlete him/herself, will feel 100x lousier than you ever will. We have standards too, and when we don’t meet them, we face an internal battle worse than you can ever imagine. So maybe the Olympics shouldn’t just be all about winning medals for your country? It’s also the time to recognise the hard work athletes put in to bring glory to the country, and even if they don’t succeed in their quest of winning a round metal, we congratulate them for a good job well done instead, and spur them on for the next season. Because sports should be encouraging and unifying – not blaming and dividing.

Okay, rant over.

#88

Gonna get my ass handed to me later during training. Wish me luck. Updates later.

Already got owned by LSM1401? Hopefully it’s not as bad as I think it is.

UPDATE:

Well, here the update goes…it’s now about 2-3 hours past training ending and I’m sporting a tape around my index and middle fingers because yup, yours truly jabbed her finger pretty badly, catching a freaking chest pass. I don’t know what to feel? At least when I jabbed my fingers in the past, it’s because of a contest for the ball. No one was even near me when I catched (or at least attempted to) it. After jabbing my finger, I couldn’t tell anyone and had to suck it up and continue training. Every time a ball hits my hand it’s just pure pain ‘cos I didn’t have tape to support it then. But now courtesy of my block mate, my fingers are all wrapped up, and mummified for extra precaution. Which reminds me, I forgot to apply ice.

It rained, so we didn’t even do courtwork. After a rather intensive warm-up (intensive ‘cos I’m really out of shape), it poured. Retreated indoors and did drills, and jabbed my finger…then there was a mini-PT exercise that totally owned me ‘cos my fitness is at rock bottom and I can’t even stand a 1 minute plank omg. It used to be quite easy for me to sustain 1 minute and I even went up to 2 minutes before…TIME TO START TRAINING MY CORE.

Yup, so approximately 2 hours later, this soldier has been properly beaten into shape by the battlefield. Hope I don’t burden the team on Monday…I hate being deadweight. Especially when I haven’t done any proper courtwork since IFG?

#85

Had the strangest dream in quite a while that consisted of a netball post that somehow found it’s way into my grandparents’ flat (??) and I was totally engrossed in a shooting practice like it was normal.

I guess I love and miss this sport too much for it to be even remotely normal. And IHG netball hasn’t even been that long ago. How am I gonna survive after I leave hall and… HORROR!! No more netball?! 😦

#83: IHG Netball

It was semis today and I played so badly, I’ve absolutely no excuse for anything that I did wrong. I just feel really bad for my teammates who fought so hard on court, because every other ball brought down to the semi D was wasted with me not catching it. Of course, we trained really little for this year’s IHG but even then, I feel like I should have done better.

After the game, coach said that it was because of my mental strength, that I don’t have that ability to want the ball so bad and challenge hard for it. Thinking about it, it’s really true. MP said the same thing before. The only time when that problem was finally resolved was in A’div 14, because we needed every point so badly with one player less than the opponents on court. That’s the only time I actually felt that I played well.

I need to get that mentality right. With next to no training, this is all I can control.

IHG netball has ended. The next time I touch netball, it’ll probably be IFG. Hope I become a better teammate and a better player then.

But seriously, I really like this IHG team a lot. Everyone’s just so nice and friendly – a joy to be with. It’s really one of the best things about hall life.