The past week really sucked. I really thought I’ll crash by the time today came. Lab report due on Tuesday, 5.5hour lab on Tuesday too, a test on Thursday (which I mucked up), 2 CIPs on Saturday (eventually didn’t go for 1, 😦 ).
And on top of it all, I think I received one of the nastiest messages in my life. I really don’t want to elaborate on it because I don’t think it appropriate, but let me be the judge when I say I didn’t deserve it. It really upset me as I was rushing out my lab report and studying for my test. I was already under enough stress and I really didn’t need to see such a nasty work of art.
It made me realise that I still have a way too simplistic view of life and reality. Or perhaps, not simplistic, but optimistic. I really want to believe in the good of everyone, and I want to believe that humanity is pure and kind, but when things like that happen, I can’t. I can’t force myself to look away from the obvious and ignore it. I’ve been brought up in a system of logic. I’ve been taught to think with logic and objectivity. And when the facts are in my face, I simply can’t remain optimistic anymore.
My feelings and dreams are my only driving forces. They are the things that led me to what I’m doing. I stayed in netball, because I loved it with a burning passion, and I still do, but circumstances have forced me to somewhat let it rest. I’m in Stage because I love theatre and I want to satisfy a curiosity. I’m studying hard because I believe in knowledge and I want to. I’m doing voluntary work because I believe in helping people. And I believe in my capacity as just one insignificant person, to be able to just help one other.
I’ve persevered through things I thought I would never survive, because I believe in the light at the end of the tunnel, cliché as it sounds. All because I believe in it paying off. Don’t take my dreams away from me. Don’t take my hopes away. Don’t make me stop believing in these things I believe in. Don’t.
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